Cliques, public, private.

[Steve Smith]

Glen wrote (in response to my recent massive missive) -

> I will briefly match your story with one of my own, then jump to a
> conclusion.  I used to do more tunneling than I do now.  All growing up
> I maintained (almost disjoint) sets of acquaintances.  In high school
> they had names: heads, jocks, brains, etc.  Somehow, I managed to float
> easily between them, controlling information flow so that any antipathy
> one group had for another didn't bleed into an antipathy toward me
> personally.  In elementary school and college, there were fewer names
> but sharper incisions.  In elementary school, they were very temporary.
> In college, they were very long-lasting.  E.g. if you "collapsed" into a
> Republican or perhaps a fan of Ayn Rand, you stayed there until long
> after college had ended.

I parallel your experience here.  I grew up isolated from people in
general and peers in particular.  I had one sister 2 years older, my
parents with a father who worked long hours.  We mostly lived further
from other people than I could walk easily alone.   When I arrived at
public school (a 2 mile walk, uphill each way, often in the snow) at age
6 I had very limited social experience with anyone much less children my
age.  I became very good, very quickly at integrating with any group.  
There weren't many, it was a small school in a small town.  But I was so
curious about other people and the dynamics of 3 or 5 or 9 boys running
like a pack of wolves in the playground that I had to join in.  I did
not distinguish gender and was happy to sit and make mudpies with the
girls, and many of them were as at home "roping" my heels as I ran past
(yes, the school toys included lariats as well as kickballs) as the boys.

By high school I was in a large town, small city where I could know all
of my classmates (eventually a graduating class of 300) but not well
like I did with a class of roughly 20.   I knew how to kick shit with
the stompers, I was clever enough to hang with the honor society kids, I
was "hip" enough to hang with the drama kids, or the dopers if I
wanted.  I was not a team-sport kindof guy but was physical enough to
hang with the jocks.   But I was never really "in".  I was invited in.  
But being fully "in" meant excluding members who were not "in".  So the
Stompers had to pick fights with the Jocks and the Stoners and tease the
Drama and Band and Honor Roll kids.  Similarly the Jocks and Stoners
would pick on the "good kids" and pick fights with the other "bad
kids".  When I would stand up for the good kid they were picking on or
refuse to join the rising rumble amongst bad kids on any side, I was
marked... I must be "one of them".   It never really caused me much
trouble except that it was clear that I wasn't one of them and would
never be even though I shared many of their interests and attitudes.   I
was as tough as most of the jocks or cowboys and the Stoners could be
pretty mean but well, they were always stoned, so... whatever... but I
was also a good student and *liked* most of the band/drama/smart kids
even though they could be tweaks.   But I also *liked* and identified
with the cowboys (grew up pretty much as one), and the jocks (liked
being athletic) and even the stoners (had my own outlaw side).  So what
was all the clicquing and intolerance about? Really?  And why was I one
of the few who could cut across those picket lines?   And one of the few
who didn't want to be a member of any one enough to reject the others?

Later it was politics... I knew I didn't want to hand my body and soul
to the US military under the circumstances of the Vietnam War... I
wasn't sure it was a bogus war as many of my peers seemed to be, but I
wasn't sure it was righteous as the remaining peers seemed to be.   My
leftie friends were sure I was a rightie and my rightie friends were
sure I was a leftie and since I'd read too much Ayn Rand and Bob
Heinlein before I had matured, I should have been a Libertarian but
damned if they didn't all seem like arrogant, selfish pricks to me.  
This holds with me to today.  I voted for Obama twice for reasons which
probably don't fit those of anyone else who voted for him (hyperbole)
and I would have voted for McCain when he was going up against Bush but
not after he picked up Palin...  I am a big Gary Johnson fan on many
topics, but couldn't stand to throw my vote this time just to make a point.

As for public/private, I didn't hide my affinity with these groups in
high school... but they played "don't ask, don't tell" right up until I
had to confront someone(s) about their exclusive (and abusive) behaviour
of my friends who might not be "inside".   I wasn't afraid the jocks
would find out I got good grades or that the stoners would find out that
I rode horses, or that the goodie two-shoes would realize that I was
willing to break school rules or even real laws if it suited me
enough.   But I also had and required a private life.  I spent hours of
my time alone, enjoying the privacy of my own thoughts and actions.   If
anyone had insisted on taking that kind of privacy from me, I would have
been furious.   My parents, my teachers, my bosses, my friends all
managed not to conspire to invade my private spaces, private times.  
Yet I had acquaintances who endured close supervision to the point of
parents or teachers or bosses practically expecting to be able to read
their minds.   I watched people trade their privacy of thought and
action for acceptance and approval.

>    I maintained my cross-group faculties until
> long after college.  I think it's what allowed me to successfully
> transition to the SFI from Lockheed Martin.
It served me well at LANL, even after it became somewhat of a hellhole
(apologies to Marcus and others still there, I'm not saying it is that
for you, just that it became that for me after 20 something years).
>    Nowadays, however, I have
> grown impatient with entertaining others' stories and ideas.
Then I am honored that you have entertained mine so far with some
superficial level of patience <grin>.
>    When/if I
> deign to argue with someone, my rhetoric is (seemingly) full of non
> sequiturs because I want to skip to the end ... and having made a
> lifetime out of arguing, I believe myself to be capable of predicting
> where an argument will end up.
You don't hold a candle to my wife who is twice as smart as I ever will
be, but also not particularly linear.  She doesn't just skip steps she
makes 270 degree turns while I'm not looking without deigning to bring
me up to speed.  I take a lot of beatings when I argue with her, but I
think I'm a better listener and thinker for it.
>    That impatience has seriously damaged
> some of the relationships I've had with people who _thought_ they liked
> me. >8^)  But, in the end, I remember the quote from FDR (I think): "I
> ask you to judge me by he enemies I have made."
Well, it is probably auspicious that I started out thinking I *didn't*
like you.   I didn't like Doug when I met him the first time... but
"curmudgeon" grows on me I guess.
> Anyway, because I am a professional simulant
Wow, that sounds like a line right out of Bladerunner... did you say
Simulant or Replicant?
> , I still have to maintain
> an ability to tunnel in and out of gravity wells.  When I engage a new
> client and go through the requirements extraction process, my old
> facility with perspective hopping revives and I end up having fun.
Yup, I know the game, and play it well (enough).
> Conclusion of this silly missive: I'd like to be able to run some
> experiments like the following.  Take all the guns from all the gun
> advocates and hand them to the gun controlists.  Force them to use and
> abuse the guns for a significant amount of time.
I was thinking impregnating every man who was anti-choice and forcing
them to birth and raise the babies.   It might not change their mind
about abortion (I actually hope it wouldn't) but it might make them a
lot more sympathetic and nurturing toward the women who *do* choose
abortion.  And it would also keep them off the streets in the meantime.
>   Then compare surveys
> taken before and after the experiment.  A similar experiment with any
> given tool would be interesting.
You'll have to pry my cordless drill and oscilliscope from my cold, dead
fingers!

>   I know I'd like a few months to play
> with our army of drones in foreign countries, for example.
And I'd like to watch a few third world countries play with our army of
drones in our country for a few months.  Well, not really.  I suppose
I'd rather see what a few dramatic performance and guerilla artists did
with them instead.

-Steve

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